The Cardinal

Taking my kids to school this morning we passed a female cardinal sitting in the middle of the road. It was sitting right on the yellow line just waiting for a car to come along and smoosh it. So we made a quick decision to swing around and move it out of harms way. It didn't struggle at all when I picked it up. It seemed to be stunned by whatever caused it to land in the middle of the road. We decided to place it under a tree in someone's yard, hoping it was only temporarily out of sorts and would soon snap out of it and be back to fluttering around looking for food, or fly back to a nest that was waiting.

Although stopping for a hurt and disoriented animal came naturally to me, we had 32 pets at my parent's house when I went off to college, and I'm someone who has actually turned around and stopped traffic so a black snake could safely cross the road, I'm well aware that when it comes to people, it can be a different story. When it comes to people I see who have been hit by life and are sitting there stunned, I sometimes run the other way.

I'm often like all the cars that went wizzing by the bird, too preoccupied with getting to where I need to go and keeping myself on track to turn around. I think sometimes I'm afraid if I decide to help that person who I know has been thrown off track, I may get somehow sucked into the drama myself and be thrown off track too.  Maybe I think they shouldn't have been near the road in the first place. Maybe I'm not sure that helping will even bring any changes in their situation or save them from a certain outcome. But maybe, that person is just a little stunned. Maybe all they need is for someone to give them just a little of their time and they'll be able to find their strength again.

The cardinal may not make it. She may have internal injuries that we weren't able to see. But at least we didn't use that as an excuse not to turn around. At least we gave her a fighting chance. Maybe, we gave her all she needed to be able to return to the sky and fly...

Romans 5:3-4,5 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation...When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 

How I Met Your Stepdad

   As some of you may know, the season finale of How I Met Your Mother aired this week. In the episode we finally got to see the woman who Ted, the protagonist in the show, has been on an eight season journey to find. My kids, their aunt and I like to play a game where we match each of the characters of one of our favorite TV shows with each one of us. With HIMYM I was unanimously voted Ted. I don't know that it was really so much that they saw me as a hopeless romantic like Ted. My thoughts are maybe it was more the fact that sometimes I believe myself to be a little smarter than I really am, I can be both indecisive and on the flip side impulsive, and like Ted, even though I can be possibly a little too self-absorbed with my own story at times, I always have a heart that cares deeply about, and will do anything for the people who are a part of it. Really though, it's probably because they've experienced years of me going in and out of different relationships, never finding "The One". After considering the comparisons between me and Ted, I decided that like his character, who starts off every episode talking to his future kids, I'd talk to my kids, in letter form, imagining it is the future and I've found their future stepdad...



Dear Kids,

   I know you had begun to think maybe the day was never going to come. You watched me date for several years, ending one relationship and entering another one with barely a month's lapse in between. Neither of us was ever happy with things this way though. You all hated having to get used to someone new hanging around in your lives, while at the same time having to  pretend to like them. This was especially annoying when, as you would often say to me, "You're only going to dump them at some point anyway." Haha...had you observed some sort of pattern??


 And then, I just stopped dating all together and this confused you. You didn't think I should stop dating completely. How would I find someone? You saw that there was still a desire in me to have someone in my life, and you would remind me of the benefits to this for all of us. We could finally live in a house again. We could maybe even get a dog. There wouldn't be as many burdens and pressures on me, and so in turn it would be easier for me to balance my time with the three of you. And of course, there was the obvious fact that our home was desperately in need of a little testosterone!



As you may have noticed, for many years I paid very little attention to much more than basic attraction, and maybe a few other things, in determining whether I would give a relationship a go with someone.  I'm sure we can all agree there were definitely some "interesting" fellas along the way. And I know I've always preached about loving everyone and showing all people equal respect, but I can admit, maybe some of them I should have chosen to love from afar. 


Over recent years I had gained a lot more insight into what I wanted and needed in someone, and so I created some guidelines and standards for who I dated. I made my "have to" list; they had to be a Christian and live out Christian standards, they had to be ACTUALLY divorced, not in some crazy limbo place that I am not interested in ever being in the middle of again..., they had to be between such and such age, they couldn't make too little, they couldn't make so much that I believed material wealth was too important to them, they had to have kids so they would "get" kids(that one you guys pushed), they had to be a certain height, and the list went on and on...


So we tried to put this list in to practical use with online dating. Scanning through profiles, like cops looking through mug shots, matching our details with each perp's, I mean potential "match's". I know we all had hope in this method, but something never felt right with it. Although I'm aware it's possible to find someone, and a good someone this way, for me I always got this overwhelming feeling of desperation, urgency, and misdirection when I attempted it. All it ever seemed to bring was short-lived relationships that usually lingered around for a lot longer than they had actually lasted. In other words, for me, dating in this way just seemed to add more baggage and chaos to the mix of our lives. Two things we definitely needed less, not more of. I do believe me having certain standards and expectations was a good thing, and especially for me as a Christian this was very important, but I found out this list couldn't be the only thing that was leading me, and trying to stick to it too strictly somehow made the whole thing seem a little cold and mechanical.


So how did I finally find the man you call stepdad, and who just so happens to have Han Solo's swagger and good looks? Simple, I stopped looking. I got rid of all the noise that came from trying too hard to figure out a formula on dating sites, lingering past relationships, and the earnest thoughts of a possible future with every single, Christian man I came across, and I shifted my focus. I shifted my focus to One who could silence the noise and fill the void. I decided the only way I was going to find the man God already had planned for me, was to find a deeper relationship with His son...the most perfect man who ever walked on the earth. 


See kids, I'd been focused on finding the perfect relationship with a guy my whole life. No really, my whole life. Your grandmom can attest to this. From the moment I first got playfully teased over the fence by the next door neighbor boy at age 3, I made experiencing that interaction with the male species my life's goal. Growing up it was the only thing that made me feel complete, whole, appreciated. I worked very hard at figuring out how to be what I believed guys were looking for. Thankfully, you girls have been much smarter in this area, and seem to be aware that boys are definitely not needed to sustain your happiness. I've raised much stronger, more self-aware girls than I myself was growing up. I am very proud of that!


How did finding a closer relationship with Jesus help me find your stepdad you're wondering? Well, the closer I got to Him and the better I understood Him, the clearer a picture I got of myself and who I really was. From God I was able to experience a true love of me for me. With Him I don't have to try to be any certain way. He loves me in my simplest form...ME. I'm His creation, and he designed me as me for a purpose that was uniquely mine. Through this relationship, I was also able to let go of pride and ego that is so intertwined with the dating process. In seeing, feeling and understanding all of this, I was given the freedom to not only stop trying to fit any particular model of what a man was looking for in me, but to open myself up to finding that man who had discovered his perfect "him" through a relationship with God as well. 

You see, by always trusting God in our own relationships with Him, He brought me and your stepdad together because this was His plan...not just His plan for the two of us, but for the five of us. And that's...How I Met Your Stepdad.

-Mom

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

I Take Pleasure In My Weakness

Being a single mom and also being someone who finds it almost impossible to show others your weakness and vulnerability, mix very badly together. I usually do a decent job balancing this conundrum of daily existence...until last night....when honestly, I just completely lost it. It had all been building up from a roller coaster of a month filled with fist fights between kids, confusion and tension with a close friend, the end of a semester of school and some other discontentment brewing inside. This was contrasted with the excitement of finally starting my first blog, continuing the amazing growth God had been working in my life, and trying to see where it was all leading. 


The fact is, I don't share much of this daily struggle with anyone, and if I do, I'm not honest about the real pain I'm feeling. I've always had this trouble with letting people see my more personal, intimate side. Even going through a redemption story that would rival a Tyler Perry movie, I could easily tell it to people with a straight face like it wasn't me I was speaking about, like it didn't have any real effect on my core. Maybe this is part of the reason I actually felt even more like I had to keep up this facade of, "Look at me. I'm a perfect example of God's grace and goodness. I no longer want to cry in the middle of my day or feel lost and helpless." I had been through such an incredibly difficult and crazy fall to the bottom that I didn't want to ever give someone the impression I could be headed there again.



And then I found myself in the front row of The Good News Cafe again on Saturday. This is a monthly worship event that a friend introduced me to last month. On the way to the event, I received a call from a member of my church who had found himself in a very dark place over the week. He was feeling very low, and I'm guessing a little hopeless. I related so much to him and gave him the most encouraging words that I could. As I got off the phone I thought to myself, "I really need to be even more of an example of what God can do in someones life who has fallen. I need to show everyone the strength He's given me and the new person I now am. I have to show that I'm not weak anymore." 



As I sat in my chair at the cafe, I immediately felt something was stirring inside of me. The restlessness that I'd felt building up over the weeks leading up to that night was getting hard to push down. The words being spoken and sung on the stage were like arrows to my soul. At the end of the night, I was trying to hold in my emotions so tightly that I almost couldn't breathe. I was pleading with the Holy Spirit to just help me let my walls down, while fighting to keep them up at the same time. I cried out to Him about how tired I was, how tired of being a single mom and doing it all alone I was, how tired of trying to figure out what direction to take my life I was, and how tired I was of trying to be the wise Christian friend who always had all the answers.  I had a tight knot stuck in my throat as the worship leader asked people not to leave with anything that they were still holding on to. Of course as soon as he was done I bolted.  I felt like I had a war going on inside of me.



When I got home I had one of THOSE meltdowns.  It had been a long time.  I just fell on my face and cried for God to help me. I let Him know that I was just plain tired. And this I believe was His answer...Show people your weaknesses. You will be even more of an example if you don't try to play it cool all the time, if you let people see that you are struggling too. You don't have to be perfect to be an example. 



Most of the moments in my life now really are filled with peace. I've found a contentment beyond understanding. Most days I feel blessed and happy with whatever God brings my way. But even when I'm not feeling this way about life, I now have the understanding that it's not only ok, but it's good. This means that God is working on something in me. It's ok to let others know that there's renovation going on in here!



So, to my friend from church, and to all my friends out there who may have most of it together, but are still struggling inside a little. SO AM I.



Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said,"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10