How I Met Your Stepdad

   As some of you may know, the season finale of How I Met Your Mother aired this week. In the episode we finally got to see the woman who Ted, the protagonist in the show, has been on an eight season journey to find. My kids, their aunt and I like to play a game where we match each of the characters of one of our favorite TV shows with each one of us. With HIMYM I was unanimously voted Ted. I don't know that it was really so much that they saw me as a hopeless romantic like Ted. My thoughts are maybe it was more the fact that sometimes I believe myself to be a little smarter than I really am, I can be both indecisive and on the flip side impulsive, and like Ted, even though I can be possibly a little too self-absorbed with my own story at times, I always have a heart that cares deeply about, and will do anything for the people who are a part of it. Really though, it's probably because they've experienced years of me going in and out of different relationships, never finding "The One". After considering the comparisons between me and Ted, I decided that like his character, who starts off every episode talking to his future kids, I'd talk to my kids, in letter form, imagining it is the future and I've found their future stepdad...



Dear Kids,

   I know you had begun to think maybe the day was never going to come. You watched me date for several years, ending one relationship and entering another one with barely a month's lapse in between. Neither of us was ever happy with things this way though. You all hated having to get used to someone new hanging around in your lives, while at the same time having to  pretend to like them. This was especially annoying when, as you would often say to me, "You're only going to dump them at some point anyway." Haha...had you observed some sort of pattern??


 And then, I just stopped dating all together and this confused you. You didn't think I should stop dating completely. How would I find someone? You saw that there was still a desire in me to have someone in my life, and you would remind me of the benefits to this for all of us. We could finally live in a house again. We could maybe even get a dog. There wouldn't be as many burdens and pressures on me, and so in turn it would be easier for me to balance my time with the three of you. And of course, there was the obvious fact that our home was desperately in need of a little testosterone!



As you may have noticed, for many years I paid very little attention to much more than basic attraction, and maybe a few other things, in determining whether I would give a relationship a go with someone.  I'm sure we can all agree there were definitely some "interesting" fellas along the way. And I know I've always preached about loving everyone and showing all people equal respect, but I can admit, maybe some of them I should have chosen to love from afar. 


Over recent years I had gained a lot more insight into what I wanted and needed in someone, and so I created some guidelines and standards for who I dated. I made my "have to" list; they had to be a Christian and live out Christian standards, they had to be ACTUALLY divorced, not in some crazy limbo place that I am not interested in ever being in the middle of again..., they had to be between such and such age, they couldn't make too little, they couldn't make so much that I believed material wealth was too important to them, they had to have kids so they would "get" kids(that one you guys pushed), they had to be a certain height, and the list went on and on...


So we tried to put this list in to practical use with online dating. Scanning through profiles, like cops looking through mug shots, matching our details with each perp's, I mean potential "match's". I know we all had hope in this method, but something never felt right with it. Although I'm aware it's possible to find someone, and a good someone this way, for me I always got this overwhelming feeling of desperation, urgency, and misdirection when I attempted it. All it ever seemed to bring was short-lived relationships that usually lingered around for a lot longer than they had actually lasted. In other words, for me, dating in this way just seemed to add more baggage and chaos to the mix of our lives. Two things we definitely needed less, not more of. I do believe me having certain standards and expectations was a good thing, and especially for me as a Christian this was very important, but I found out this list couldn't be the only thing that was leading me, and trying to stick to it too strictly somehow made the whole thing seem a little cold and mechanical.


So how did I finally find the man you call stepdad, and who just so happens to have Han Solo's swagger and good looks? Simple, I stopped looking. I got rid of all the noise that came from trying too hard to figure out a formula on dating sites, lingering past relationships, and the earnest thoughts of a possible future with every single, Christian man I came across, and I shifted my focus. I shifted my focus to One who could silence the noise and fill the void. I decided the only way I was going to find the man God already had planned for me, was to find a deeper relationship with His son...the most perfect man who ever walked on the earth. 


See kids, I'd been focused on finding the perfect relationship with a guy my whole life. No really, my whole life. Your grandmom can attest to this. From the moment I first got playfully teased over the fence by the next door neighbor boy at age 3, I made experiencing that interaction with the male species my life's goal. Growing up it was the only thing that made me feel complete, whole, appreciated. I worked very hard at figuring out how to be what I believed guys were looking for. Thankfully, you girls have been much smarter in this area, and seem to be aware that boys are definitely not needed to sustain your happiness. I've raised much stronger, more self-aware girls than I myself was growing up. I am very proud of that!


How did finding a closer relationship with Jesus help me find your stepdad you're wondering? Well, the closer I got to Him and the better I understood Him, the clearer a picture I got of myself and who I really was. From God I was able to experience a true love of me for me. With Him I don't have to try to be any certain way. He loves me in my simplest form...ME. I'm His creation, and he designed me as me for a purpose that was uniquely mine. Through this relationship, I was also able to let go of pride and ego that is so intertwined with the dating process. In seeing, feeling and understanding all of this, I was given the freedom to not only stop trying to fit any particular model of what a man was looking for in me, but to open myself up to finding that man who had discovered his perfect "him" through a relationship with God as well. 

You see, by always trusting God in our own relationships with Him, He brought me and your stepdad together because this was His plan...not just His plan for the two of us, but for the five of us. And that's...How I Met Your Stepdad.

-Mom

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)